An interesting booty call… sort of. I got a call at around 4 pm, and one of my steadies asked me to come over so she could “paint me”. She’s an artist, and apparently she’s making a big portfolio of her drawings and paintings, but she’s short on male models. I agree, under the condition that we have sex after (I tell her this). She agrees to the compromise.
When I arrive, she immediately commands me to sit on the couch. I do so. She gets out the drawing kit and starts painting me. I try to make conversation, but she says she can’t concentrate when she talks. This girl’s all business tonight.
I pose for about ten minutes, and then grow bored. Really bored. I wonder why in the world I agreed to do this.
Me: “Are we almost done?”
Her: “I’m not even done with your face!”
Wonderful. I’m gonna be stuck in this motionless position for at least another hour before I can get any sex. Terrific.
In hopes of facilitating things, I take off my shirt.
Her: [in a flirty voice] “Magic Man, what are you doing?”
Me: “Taking my shirt off, so that you’ll become aroused by my body, so that you’ll be interested in fucking me than drawing me.”
Her: “We’ll see about that, Mister.”
She resumes painting me, shirtless no less. So much for that plan.
Five more minutes go by. I’m still bored, and no closer to sex. So I take off my pants.
Her: “Magic Man, what are you doing???”
Me: “Trying to speed up the process to sex.”
Her: “A little impatient, are we? You’re gonna have to wait till we’re done with this.”
She continues drawing, apparently fine with the fact that I have completely changed my look since we began the exercise. Ugh, she’s a tough one to crack.
Another ten minutes go by. I’m really bored, and really horny. My hard-on becomes clearly visible through my boxers.
HB: “Magic Man, what is that?”
Me: “My erect penis, for your taking.”
HB: “For my taking, huh?
Me: “Yes.”
I decide I’ve had enough of this stupid painting exercise. I get up, pull her onto the couch with me, and we start making out. She doesn’t resist. Hopefully this means the painting’s over, or at least delays.
As I remove her clothes, she totally changes the mood and starts asking me some freaky questions:
HB: “Magic Man, have you drank your own cum?”
HB: “Magic Man, has a girl ever used a vibrator on you?”
HB: “Magic Man, have you ever done a threesome with another guy and girl?”
They kind of come out of left field, though some of them she’s asked me before. My answer for all the questions is “no”. She tells me that she used her vibrator on the her boyfriend all the time, and that it’s totally normal and he was really into it. She also tells me that she’s had one guy-guy-girl threesome, and it was “very hot”. I think she’s trying to send a message here. But I reiterate my “no”, we get back to making out. Then, as I’m reaching for the condom…
Her: “We can’t today.”
She’s on her period. No problem, I just remove my boxers, and she gets to work with her mouth. It’s a good blowjob, but the whole time I’m really nervous that she’s going to carry out some kind of assault on my anus. It’s the most nerve-wracking BJ I’ve ever gotten.
As she’s going down on me, she asks “what do you want me to do?” I’ve had girls ask me this before, and I’ve always wondered what exactly they were referring to. Like I’m happy enough that you’re giving me head, I really don’t care what else you do. What else can you do??? Play with my balls? Use more hand? I have no idea. But now I’m beginning to think that the question refers to a finger in the ass, or something along those lines. Anyone else have any thoughts?
As I’m close to climaxing, she demands that I cum in her mouth. I do so, but then she spits it out in the sink. Doesn’t really make sense, but I’m not complaining. I hang out for a little while longer, and then make my exit. As I’m leaving she invites me to her upcoming birthday, which her long-distance boyfriend is flying in for, but I guess she doesn’t see me my presence there as being worrisome.
And best part of all…. we didn’t finish the stupid drawing!!!!!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
I’ve always believed that if you hook up with enough girls, the nightmare that follows is bound to happen to you at some point. I’m 27 and somehow it hadn’t yet happened to me, but that all changed Friday night.
It’s me, LA Hitch, Mambotango, and 2 other guys. We go to a place in downtown LA that we’d never been to before. I wasn’t expecting much, but when we walk in, all I can say is…. WOW. The venue was maybe 55-60% girls, all hot, and everyone was in perfect small sets of 2 of 3, so none of these huge mixed where cock-blocking and other distractions are be bound occur. And on top of all this, the drinks were insanely strong, and since the bar is in right in the middle of a heavily-populated area of LA, everyone was walking home. Meaning they could get insanely drunk and not have to drive.
LA Hitch is opening sets right and left. He’s the single best opener I’ve ever seen, the guy’s a machine. My mid-game might be a little better, but his opening game is flawless. He eventually gets in good with a two set of blondes. His target is a 9, and the other girl is only a 5, but I decide to be a good wingman and over and occupy her. Both girls are totally into us, and an hour later the girls announce that all of us are leaving the bar together. LA Hitch instructs me to get the car with the 5, so he can stay behind and make out with his girl by the front door. I don’t want to, but whatever, I’m a good wingman. So the 5 and I walk back to my car in a nearby lot. We then pick the other two up. I assume we’re going back to LA Hitch’s place so he can fuck his girl and then I can make a discreet exit before anyone asks for a ride home. But no. The 5 directs me how to get back to their place in the Hollywood Hills. Wonderful. Guess I’m giving them a ride home.
HB9’s head is in LA Hitch’s lap during the entire car ride home. I can’t tell if she’s sleeping or giving him head, and I’m too embarrassed to turn around and look. Like what am I gonna do, make eye contact with my buddy while he’s getting a BJ? That’s just weird.
A few minutes later we pull into the 9’s driveway. And all I can say is….
WOW. We’re staring at one of the biggest mansions I’ve ever seen. It’s fucking huge, and the views are unbelievable. It looks like the house they film “The Bachelor” in. It’s enormous. I am now very glad I drove the girls’ home.
We go inside. The interior is like one of the old-school 1940’s Hollywood mansions. Apparently, the HB9 inherited the house from her rich grandparents when they passed away. So she lives in this huge mansion alone, and friends come and stay there on the weekends.
We sit down for a little bit, and the 9 randomly launches into a discussion about her breast implants. Apparently she went to the same plastic surgeon that Heidi from the Hills went to, but Heidi’s got her done bigger (DD’s versus this girl’s C’s), and so this girl really pissed. Heidi can’t have bigger boobs than her. She is contemplating going back for a second enhancement. Aww, the problems of the rich and the famous…
LA Hitch eventually escalates his girl to the laundry room. I can’t figure out why they go to the laundry room when there are literally 10 bedrooms to choose from. Maybe because it’s kinkier? I don’t know. The girl starts moaning immediately.
I chit chat with the 5 in the living room while the other two fuck in the laundry room. HB5 inches closer to me on the couch, but I really don’t want to hook up with her. We talk about the usual stuff… where she’s from, where she went to school, what she does. I really do not want to hook up with her. I try to keep the conversation going as long as possible, so things don’t have to get physical.
A few minutes later HB9 runs out of the laundry room in her g-string and bra, and sprints upstairs. LA Hitch comes out of the room and announces that we should leave. Phew, thank god. We exchange goodbyes with the HB5, and ask for her number just out of politeness. She tells it to me, and I input it in my phone and then call her phone so she’ll have my number. Then we leave.
This is where it gets disturbing.
It’s the next day, Saturday, around 2:00 pm. I get a phone call from a random number. It’s HB5, and she sounds really nervous on the phone.
HB5: “Hey it’s [xxxx] from last night.
Me: “Hey, how are ya?”
HB5: “Good. So anyways, this might sound a bit creepy, but I’m actually in the middle of a divorce, and I just wanted to let you know…”
I have no idea where she’s going with this. I think she might be asking me out, and just doesn’t know how to do it without being awkward. But no. It’s actually much more bizarre.
HB5: “…just wanted to let you know that my ex-husband is psychotic, and he regularly checks my cell phone records. He will probably be calling you, because your number is in my phone since you called to give me your number. I don’t think he’s going to threaten you, but he will ask how you know me. Please lie about it. The last time he found a random number in my log and called it, he smashed my car windows and left a note saying that he’ll kill me if I ever date anyone else again…”
It only gets worse. She proceeds to tell me that he emailed her that morning and knows that she went to the specific bar we were at, and left with two random guys at 1:30 am. So that means that he’s having her followed, which means he knows exactly what I look like, and what car I was driving, and where I live (if he followed me home as well), etc etc.
Wonderful.
Then she goes on to tell me that he’s being “sentenced” next week. I assume it’s for smashing her car windows, but no, it’s not for that, and she won’t tell me what it’s actually for. I ask if he’s going to jail, and she says “yes, hopefully for a long time. So we kind of just have to get through this week.” What’s he do, rape her? Beat her up? Burn down to her house?
Like I don’t have enough shit to deal with. And the worst part is that that the girl is ass-ugly and I didn’t even hook up with her! Like if I hooked up with a 10 and this happened, then maybe it would have been worth it, but for a stupid 5 that I don’t give a shit about???? Unbelievable.
It’s now a couples days later and no strange calls or occurrences, thankfully. But if I suddenly disappear, you all know what happened.
It’s me, LA Hitch, Mambotango, and 2 other guys. We go to a place in downtown LA that we’d never been to before. I wasn’t expecting much, but when we walk in, all I can say is…. WOW. The venue was maybe 55-60% girls, all hot, and everyone was in perfect small sets of 2 of 3, so none of these huge mixed where cock-blocking and other distractions are be bound occur. And on top of all this, the drinks were insanely strong, and since the bar is in right in the middle of a heavily-populated area of LA, everyone was walking home. Meaning they could get insanely drunk and not have to drive.
LA Hitch is opening sets right and left. He’s the single best opener I’ve ever seen, the guy’s a machine. My mid-game might be a little better, but his opening game is flawless. He eventually gets in good with a two set of blondes. His target is a 9, and the other girl is only a 5, but I decide to be a good wingman and over and occupy her. Both girls are totally into us, and an hour later the girls announce that all of us are leaving the bar together. LA Hitch instructs me to get the car with the 5, so he can stay behind and make out with his girl by the front door. I don’t want to, but whatever, I’m a good wingman. So the 5 and I walk back to my car in a nearby lot. We then pick the other two up. I assume we’re going back to LA Hitch’s place so he can fuck his girl and then I can make a discreet exit before anyone asks for a ride home. But no. The 5 directs me how to get back to their place in the Hollywood Hills. Wonderful. Guess I’m giving them a ride home.
HB9’s head is in LA Hitch’s lap during the entire car ride home. I can’t tell if she’s sleeping or giving him head, and I’m too embarrassed to turn around and look. Like what am I gonna do, make eye contact with my buddy while he’s getting a BJ? That’s just weird.
A few minutes later we pull into the 9’s driveway. And all I can say is….
WOW. We’re staring at one of the biggest mansions I’ve ever seen. It’s fucking huge, and the views are unbelievable. It looks like the house they film “The Bachelor” in. It’s enormous. I am now very glad I drove the girls’ home.
We go inside. The interior is like one of the old-school 1940’s Hollywood mansions. Apparently, the HB9 inherited the house from her rich grandparents when they passed away. So she lives in this huge mansion alone, and friends come and stay there on the weekends.
We sit down for a little bit, and the 9 randomly launches into a discussion about her breast implants. Apparently she went to the same plastic surgeon that Heidi from the Hills went to, but Heidi’s got her done bigger (DD’s versus this girl’s C’s), and so this girl really pissed. Heidi can’t have bigger boobs than her. She is contemplating going back for a second enhancement. Aww, the problems of the rich and the famous…
LA Hitch eventually escalates his girl to the laundry room. I can’t figure out why they go to the laundry room when there are literally 10 bedrooms to choose from. Maybe because it’s kinkier? I don’t know. The girl starts moaning immediately.
I chit chat with the 5 in the living room while the other two fuck in the laundry room. HB5 inches closer to me on the couch, but I really don’t want to hook up with her. We talk about the usual stuff… where she’s from, where she went to school, what she does. I really do not want to hook up with her. I try to keep the conversation going as long as possible, so things don’t have to get physical.
A few minutes later HB9 runs out of the laundry room in her g-string and bra, and sprints upstairs. LA Hitch comes out of the room and announces that we should leave. Phew, thank god. We exchange goodbyes with the HB5, and ask for her number just out of politeness. She tells it to me, and I input it in my phone and then call her phone so she’ll have my number. Then we leave.
This is where it gets disturbing.
It’s the next day, Saturday, around 2:00 pm. I get a phone call from a random number. It’s HB5, and she sounds really nervous on the phone.
HB5: “Hey it’s [xxxx] from last night.
Me: “Hey, how are ya?”
HB5: “Good. So anyways, this might sound a bit creepy, but I’m actually in the middle of a divorce, and I just wanted to let you know…”
I have no idea where she’s going with this. I think she might be asking me out, and just doesn’t know how to do it without being awkward. But no. It’s actually much more bizarre.
HB5: “…just wanted to let you know that my ex-husband is psychotic, and he regularly checks my cell phone records. He will probably be calling you, because your number is in my phone since you called to give me your number. I don’t think he’s going to threaten you, but he will ask how you know me. Please lie about it. The last time he found a random number in my log and called it, he smashed my car windows and left a note saying that he’ll kill me if I ever date anyone else again…”
It only gets worse. She proceeds to tell me that he emailed her that morning and knows that she went to the specific bar we were at, and left with two random guys at 1:30 am. So that means that he’s having her followed, which means he knows exactly what I look like, and what car I was driving, and where I live (if he followed me home as well), etc etc.
Wonderful.
Then she goes on to tell me that he’s being “sentenced” next week. I assume it’s for smashing her car windows, but no, it’s not for that, and she won’t tell me what it’s actually for. I ask if he’s going to jail, and she says “yes, hopefully for a long time. So we kind of just have to get through this week.” What’s he do, rape her? Beat her up? Burn down to her house?
Like I don’t have enough shit to deal with. And the worst part is that that the girl is ass-ugly and I didn’t even hook up with her! Like if I hooked up with a 10 and this happened, then maybe it would have been worth it, but for a stupid 5 that I don’t give a shit about???? Unbelievable.
It’s now a couples days later and no strange calls or occurrences, thankfully. But if I suddenly disappear, you all know what happened.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Magic Man gets in a fight!
Another ridiculous outing. There’s nothing PU-related here, but there is AMOG’ing and alpha male stuff, and I’m very curious to hear everyone’s opinion on what they would have done in the situation.
Sunday afternoon -- we’re at a bar in Hermosa, watching football. It’s pretty packed. I’m there with a girl I’m dating (HBLatina), and her two female friends (one white, one Latin). All three girls are hot, and they’re kinda ‘street’ (translation: ghetto), so there’s a never-ending supply of drama when we hang out. Sunday was no different than any other time we hung out.
Anyways, we get a center table in front of the television that has the Raiders game on (surprise, surprise!). It’s really crowded, and people are bumping into us right and left. One guy is being particularly annoying -- we’ll call him ‘Meatball’. He’s a total roid-head. The guy’s dancing when there’s clearly no room to dance, he’s bumping into people, and being just generally being loud and obnoxious. He’s already on our nerves when a series of incidents involving him push us our the top:
Incident #1
We’re eating some quesadillas, and Meatball reaches over and grabs one. Yep -- he just grabs a quesadilla from our plate without asking. Like, are you fucking serious? I’m too shocked to say anything, but the girls get pissed and ask him what he’s doing. Meatball plays it off like he doesn’t know it our quesadillas, which I’m willing to let slide, but then he sarcastically says ‘ok, you can have it back’, and actually gives her the half-eaten, disease-riddled quesadilla, and then walks away. That’s just beginning.
Incident #2
A somewhat dorky-looking kid starts talking to one of Meatball’s female friends. The girl isn’t very interested, but she’s being polite to the kid. Meatball, however isn’t. He starts doing stupid stuff like making weird faces behind the kid’s back, and holding up two fingers behind his ear. Like seriously, are we in fourth grade here? Grow up.
Incident #3
A half-hour later, and the dorky-looking kid is chilling with his buddies at a nearby table. Meatball decides he isn’t finished with the guy yet. So he chugs his pitcher of Busch Light, walks over to the kid and goes ‘hey buddy, can you take this? Thanks’, and hands him the pitcher. The kid just takes it, unsure of what’s going on, and Meatball walks back to his table laughing. Seriously Meatball, are you really finding amusement in acting like a fourth grader? Unbelievable. I’m seriously tempted to just punch the guy in the face.
A few hours later, some of the games are ending, and I go outside to feed my meter. When I get back, all hell has broken loose. Apparently, Meatball and HBLatina (the girl I’m dating) exchanged words while I was gone. The usual shit -- he spilled a drink, she demanded an apology, he refused, she calls him an asshole, he calls her a bitch, and they have to be separated. The girls are furiously rehashing the story, and they want me to do something about it. And I’m furious myself. So I look around the bar and consider my options. Meatball is currently talking to a girl in the corner. He has no guy friends around him, but I have no guy friends with me either. The bouncers are nearby, but they don’t look particularly intimidating (the bar has kind of a tropical, friendly theme). I really don’t want to get in a fight, and I especially don’t want to get 86’d from my one of my favorite bars. But I also don’t want to look like a wuss in front of these girls. I’m very conflicted.
A few minutes later, and my decision is made. Meatball is leaving the bar and he decides to get in the last word. He grabs a roll of paper towels off a nearby table and flings it at us. That’s the last straw for me. I immediately get out of my seat and charge towards him, bowling people over on the way. The girls follow, right on my hells. We’re ready to throw down – especially me. Meatball sees this and his arms in front of him, I guess as a way of blocking me from tackling him. But with his arms in front of him, his face is totally exposed. So I clench my fist, bring my arm back, and….
…something stops me from punching him. Instead, I just grab his arms and lightly shove him. And as we furiously stare each other down,
HBLATINA PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE!!!!!!
Ha! He was so busy focusing on me that he didn’t even see HBLatina come up from the side and land one square on his face The punch wasn’t that hard, but she was wearing a ring, and the ring opened up a small cut in Meatball’s cheek. And just when we think it’s over…
THE CAUCASIAN FRIEND SLAPS HIM TWICE IN THE FACE!!!!! She started yelling something like ‘you hit my friend, I’ll kill you!!!
Security then grabs MEATBALL and VIOLENTLY THROWS HIM out of the bar!!!! Another security guard comes up to me and politely asks ‘hey man, can you come with me?’ I decide to ignore him and just leave. I assume it was a polite way of tossing me, but I wasn’t about to stay and find out.
I want to go to another bar and continue drinking, but the girls wisely tell me it’s best to just leave the area completely. So we do so.
On the way home, the girls are going on and on about the fight, rehashing it from every angle, calling up their friends and showing off about it. Lesson learned – if you get in a fight with a bunch of girls, they will tell everyone about it and frame you as the loser. Best to just avoid fights with girls.
Postscript – Afterwards, one of the girl’s talked to a friend who stayed afterwards and got the dirt. I guess one of the bouncers saw Meatball throw the paper towel roll, and knew that he is instigated it, so that’s why Meatball got tossed. And apparently the bouncer was necessarily going to throw me out, but instead just wanted to question me about it, and get all the details. I still don’t think I’m going back there for awhile, but I’m pretty I’m not permanently banned. As for Meatball, I guess he’s a regular there, and the bouncers are kind of sick of him, so they were more than happy to give him the heave.
Overall, I guess I’m ok with the way it went down. I don’t like getting in fights, but then again if I hadn’t done anything I’d hate myself today and my value would have been lowered with the girls.
But I want to hear from you guys – what would you have done?
Sunday afternoon -- we’re at a bar in Hermosa, watching football. It’s pretty packed. I’m there with a girl I’m dating (HBLatina), and her two female friends (one white, one Latin). All three girls are hot, and they’re kinda ‘street’ (translation: ghetto), so there’s a never-ending supply of drama when we hang out. Sunday was no different than any other time we hung out.
Anyways, we get a center table in front of the television that has the Raiders game on (surprise, surprise!). It’s really crowded, and people are bumping into us right and left. One guy is being particularly annoying -- we’ll call him ‘Meatball’. He’s a total roid-head. The guy’s dancing when there’s clearly no room to dance, he’s bumping into people, and being just generally being loud and obnoxious. He’s already on our nerves when a series of incidents involving him push us our the top:
Incident #1
We’re eating some quesadillas, and Meatball reaches over and grabs one. Yep -- he just grabs a quesadilla from our plate without asking. Like, are you fucking serious? I’m too shocked to say anything, but the girls get pissed and ask him what he’s doing. Meatball plays it off like he doesn’t know it our quesadillas, which I’m willing to let slide, but then he sarcastically says ‘ok, you can have it back’, and actually gives her the half-eaten, disease-riddled quesadilla, and then walks away. That’s just beginning.
Incident #2
A somewhat dorky-looking kid starts talking to one of Meatball’s female friends. The girl isn’t very interested, but she’s being polite to the kid. Meatball, however isn’t. He starts doing stupid stuff like making weird faces behind the kid’s back, and holding up two fingers behind his ear. Like seriously, are we in fourth grade here? Grow up.
Incident #3
A half-hour later, and the dorky-looking kid is chilling with his buddies at a nearby table. Meatball decides he isn’t finished with the guy yet. So he chugs his pitcher of Busch Light, walks over to the kid and goes ‘hey buddy, can you take this? Thanks’, and hands him the pitcher. The kid just takes it, unsure of what’s going on, and Meatball walks back to his table laughing. Seriously Meatball, are you really finding amusement in acting like a fourth grader? Unbelievable. I’m seriously tempted to just punch the guy in the face.
A few hours later, some of the games are ending, and I go outside to feed my meter. When I get back, all hell has broken loose. Apparently, Meatball and HBLatina (the girl I’m dating) exchanged words while I was gone. The usual shit -- he spilled a drink, she demanded an apology, he refused, she calls him an asshole, he calls her a bitch, and they have to be separated. The girls are furiously rehashing the story, and they want me to do something about it. And I’m furious myself. So I look around the bar and consider my options. Meatball is currently talking to a girl in the corner. He has no guy friends around him, but I have no guy friends with me either. The bouncers are nearby, but they don’t look particularly intimidating (the bar has kind of a tropical, friendly theme). I really don’t want to get in a fight, and I especially don’t want to get 86’d from my one of my favorite bars. But I also don’t want to look like a wuss in front of these girls. I’m very conflicted.
A few minutes later, and my decision is made. Meatball is leaving the bar and he decides to get in the last word. He grabs a roll of paper towels off a nearby table and flings it at us. That’s the last straw for me. I immediately get out of my seat and charge towards him, bowling people over on the way. The girls follow, right on my hells. We’re ready to throw down – especially me. Meatball sees this and his arms in front of him, I guess as a way of blocking me from tackling him. But with his arms in front of him, his face is totally exposed. So I clench my fist, bring my arm back, and….
…something stops me from punching him. Instead, I just grab his arms and lightly shove him. And as we furiously stare each other down,
HBLATINA PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE!!!!!!
Ha! He was so busy focusing on me that he didn’t even see HBLatina come up from the side and land one square on his face The punch wasn’t that hard, but she was wearing a ring, and the ring opened up a small cut in Meatball’s cheek. And just when we think it’s over…
THE CAUCASIAN FRIEND SLAPS HIM TWICE IN THE FACE!!!!! She started yelling something like ‘you hit my friend, I’ll kill you!!!
Security then grabs MEATBALL and VIOLENTLY THROWS HIM out of the bar!!!! Another security guard comes up to me and politely asks ‘hey man, can you come with me?’ I decide to ignore him and just leave. I assume it was a polite way of tossing me, but I wasn’t about to stay and find out.
I want to go to another bar and continue drinking, but the girls wisely tell me it’s best to just leave the area completely. So we do so.
On the way home, the girls are going on and on about the fight, rehashing it from every angle, calling up their friends and showing off about it. Lesson learned – if you get in a fight with a bunch of girls, they will tell everyone about it and frame you as the loser. Best to just avoid fights with girls.
Postscript – Afterwards, one of the girl’s talked to a friend who stayed afterwards and got the dirt. I guess one of the bouncers saw Meatball throw the paper towel roll, and knew that he is instigated it, so that’s why Meatball got tossed. And apparently the bouncer was necessarily going to throw me out, but instead just wanted to question me about it, and get all the details. I still don’t think I’m going back there for awhile, but I’m pretty I’m not permanently banned. As for Meatball, I guess he’s a regular there, and the bouncers are kind of sick of him, so they were more than happy to give him the heave.
Overall, I guess I’m ok with the way it went down. I don’t like getting in fights, but then again if I hadn’t done anything I’d hate myself today and my value would have been lowered with the girls.
But I want to hear from you guys – what would you have done?
Friday, December 4, 2009
Drug Dealer and Crazy Chick
Another wild night. I don’t know how I constantly manage to get myself in these crazy situations, but somehow I do. This happened Wednesday night. Here’s how it went down:
Around 7 pm, my friend ‘John’ invites me to go to happy hour with him in Hermosa. John grew up there and basically knows every single person in the town. Sensing a potentially adventurous night, I put my clothes on and head down to the South Bay.
I meet up with John at Union Cattle. We position ourselves at the bar. John orders a drink and I open the first attractive girl (HB8) that slides up next to me.
Me: “Wanna hear a joke?”
HB8: “Uhh… okay.”
Me: “How do you know you’re getting old?”
HB8: “How?”
Me: “All your friends start having legitimate children. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”
She actually finds it funny, and we get to talking. Turns out she’s there on a date with a guy she met off the internet, but he’s a total loser, and she wants the date to end. So she asks if I’ll pretend to be her ‘friend’ or something. I say sure, and then she goes over to her date and makes up some excuse about needing a ride home with me. The guy leaves. We resume talking, and the conversation eventually shifts back to internet dating. She tells me about the last person she hooked up with off the internet. It was some guy from one of those VH1 reality shows. Apparently, she initially sent him a message about the show, and he responded ‘wanna fuck?’ That’s it. Two words: “wanna fuck”.
And guess what? She fucked him!!!!!! Hahaha, what a winner she is. I know that I have to look no further than HB8 in my quest to get laid tonight.
John suggests we head over to Underground, another bar in the area. HB8 says she doesn’t want to go there -- she’s not even sure if she’s even allowed inside. Why not? Apparently the last time she was there her boyfriend got in a fight with 4 guys and ended up in the hospital with two facial fractures. Wonderful. A real winner indeed.
So we decide to stay and grab a table. HB8 orders a round of shots. We quickly down them, and then she orders another round, and then a third round. This could turn into an interesting evening.
A short while later, HB8 announces she wants to get high. She asks if we have any. We don’t. So she calls up her dealer. The dealer tells her to come over to his house in Hawthorne. We all decide it sounds like a plan.
HB8 drives, even though she’s kinda tipsy. And like any drunk girl, she gets hopelessly lost on the way there. And by ‘hopelessly lost’ I mean ‘she has no idea where she is lost’. Even John doesn’t know where we are, and he grew up there. And drug dealer guy isn’t picking up his phone. This isn’t looking good. We pull over to the side of the road to discuss our options:
Me: “What should we do?”
HB8: “I have an idea: let’s call 911 and see if they can tell us how to go.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
HB8: “Let’s call the police. They’ll give us directions.”
[pause, as John and I look at each other in disbelief]
Me: “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? YOU ARE DRUNK DRIVING US TO A DRUG DEALER’S HOUSE SO WE CAN BUY SOME WEED, AND YOU WANT TO CALL THE POLICE TO ASK DIRECTIONS???? HOW DUMB ARE YOU???”
[silence, as HB8 realizes her stupidity]
Me: “You don’t have to be mean about it.”
I apologize for losing my cool and she forgives me. And then the drug dealer guy calls her back and gives us directions. We’re back in business.
A few minutes later we’re in his driveway. We get out and knock on the door. No answer. So we just open the door and walk in. Inside, there’s a mass of semi-conscious bodies lying around, as well as some mammals and reptiles (they have a pet snake, in addition to multiple cats and dogs). No one acknowledges our presence -- I guess that’s normal in a drug house with dozens people coming and going each day.
Everyone’s watching porn on the big screen television. It’s a clip from pornhub, or one of those sites (they have the computer hooked up). The clip is called ‘The Man with the Biggest Cumshot in the World’. A guy is jerking off into the camera. His load is ridiculously huge. Everyone in the room is debating whether the video is real or not. I can’t tell myself (if anyone else has seen the clip, let me know your thoughts).
The dealer guy eventually comes out and ushers us into a bedroom. We get straight to business. He talks mostly to me and John -- probably because he thinks we’re paying (which we aren’t). And it’s like he’s speaking in another language… sativa, indica, bud? What the fuck is that? Apparently they’re all different strands of weed. I have no clue. I try to just nod along and act like I know what he’s talking about, but HB8 sees how clueless I am. My stock goes a little. I’m not quite drug-savvy enough for her.
HB8 finally buys the stuff and we get out of there. She drives us back to her house, which is walking distance from Union Cattle and my car.
We go inside and take a few hits of the stuff (yeah yeah, I’m a horrible person, whatever). It’s pretty strong shit. So strong that John passes out on the couch. HB8 and I take that as a cue to head into the bedroom.
We get inside and start making out. I’m able to quickly remove her pants and shirt. There’s almost no LMR. Then she randomly starts talking about how her blowjobs are. It turns me on. I decide I want a blowjob, and not a fuck. So I go down on her, with the hopes that she’ll even the score after.
It’s going alright at first, but then I notice she’s become awfully quiet. I know I’m not the best at giving cunninlingus, but I didn’t think I was that bad. But whatever, maybe she’s just trying to orgasm. So I give it another minute for two… and she’s still silent. Maybe something’s wrong. I lift my head up and check on her.
And by golly…. SHE’S PASSED OUT!!!!
YES -- THE BITCH PASSED OUT ON ME WHILE I WAS GOING DOWN ON HER.
God I’m such a loser.
I become depressed. But then I snap out of it and realize I have a tough decision to make -- Do I quietly slip out the door now that she’s asleep? There won’t be a better time than now. Or do I stick around and get my blowjob? After contemplating it for a few seconds, I swallow my pride and wake her up.
Me: “Did you pass out on me?”
[sits up, looks around]
HB8: “Omg, did I? Gosh, I’m so embarrassed. Here, lie down.”
She throws me on my back and gets to work… chest, stomach, inner thighs, cock. She gives me the blowjob of a lifetime -- she wasn’t exaggerating. And she didn’t fuck around either; just got straight to work. I like that. I am confident that I made the right decision.
I then put my clothes on and leave. And another memorable night comes to an end.
Around 7 pm, my friend ‘John’ invites me to go to happy hour with him in Hermosa. John grew up there and basically knows every single person in the town. Sensing a potentially adventurous night, I put my clothes on and head down to the South Bay.
I meet up with John at Union Cattle. We position ourselves at the bar. John orders a drink and I open the first attractive girl (HB8) that slides up next to me.
Me: “Wanna hear a joke?”
HB8: “Uhh… okay.”
Me: “How do you know you’re getting old?”
HB8: “How?”
Me: “All your friends start having legitimate children. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”
She actually finds it funny, and we get to talking. Turns out she’s there on a date with a guy she met off the internet, but he’s a total loser, and she wants the date to end. So she asks if I’ll pretend to be her ‘friend’ or something. I say sure, and then she goes over to her date and makes up some excuse about needing a ride home with me. The guy leaves. We resume talking, and the conversation eventually shifts back to internet dating. She tells me about the last person she hooked up with off the internet. It was some guy from one of those VH1 reality shows. Apparently, she initially sent him a message about the show, and he responded ‘wanna fuck?’ That’s it. Two words: “wanna fuck”.
And guess what? She fucked him!!!!!! Hahaha, what a winner she is. I know that I have to look no further than HB8 in my quest to get laid tonight.
John suggests we head over to Underground, another bar in the area. HB8 says she doesn’t want to go there -- she’s not even sure if she’s even allowed inside. Why not? Apparently the last time she was there her boyfriend got in a fight with 4 guys and ended up in the hospital with two facial fractures. Wonderful. A real winner indeed.
So we decide to stay and grab a table. HB8 orders a round of shots. We quickly down them, and then she orders another round, and then a third round. This could turn into an interesting evening.
A short while later, HB8 announces she wants to get high. She asks if we have any. We don’t. So she calls up her dealer. The dealer tells her to come over to his house in Hawthorne. We all decide it sounds like a plan.
HB8 drives, even though she’s kinda tipsy. And like any drunk girl, she gets hopelessly lost on the way there. And by ‘hopelessly lost’ I mean ‘she has no idea where she is lost’. Even John doesn’t know where we are, and he grew up there. And drug dealer guy isn’t picking up his phone. This isn’t looking good. We pull over to the side of the road to discuss our options:
Me: “What should we do?”
HB8: “I have an idea: let’s call 911 and see if they can tell us how to go.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
HB8: “Let’s call the police. They’ll give us directions.”
[pause, as John and I look at each other in disbelief]
Me: “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? YOU ARE DRUNK DRIVING US TO A DRUG DEALER’S HOUSE SO WE CAN BUY SOME WEED, AND YOU WANT TO CALL THE POLICE TO ASK DIRECTIONS???? HOW DUMB ARE YOU???”
[silence, as HB8 realizes her stupidity]
Me: “You don’t have to be mean about it.”
I apologize for losing my cool and she forgives me. And then the drug dealer guy calls her back and gives us directions. We’re back in business.
A few minutes later we’re in his driveway. We get out and knock on the door. No answer. So we just open the door and walk in. Inside, there’s a mass of semi-conscious bodies lying around, as well as some mammals and reptiles (they have a pet snake, in addition to multiple cats and dogs). No one acknowledges our presence -- I guess that’s normal in a drug house with dozens people coming and going each day.
Everyone’s watching porn on the big screen television. It’s a clip from pornhub, or one of those sites (they have the computer hooked up). The clip is called ‘The Man with the Biggest Cumshot in the World’. A guy is jerking off into the camera. His load is ridiculously huge. Everyone in the room is debating whether the video is real or not. I can’t tell myself (if anyone else has seen the clip, let me know your thoughts).
The dealer guy eventually comes out and ushers us into a bedroom. We get straight to business. He talks mostly to me and John -- probably because he thinks we’re paying (which we aren’t). And it’s like he’s speaking in another language… sativa, indica, bud? What the fuck is that? Apparently they’re all different strands of weed. I have no clue. I try to just nod along and act like I know what he’s talking about, but HB8 sees how clueless I am. My stock goes a little. I’m not quite drug-savvy enough for her.
HB8 finally buys the stuff and we get out of there. She drives us back to her house, which is walking distance from Union Cattle and my car.
We go inside and take a few hits of the stuff (yeah yeah, I’m a horrible person, whatever). It’s pretty strong shit. So strong that John passes out on the couch. HB8 and I take that as a cue to head into the bedroom.
We get inside and start making out. I’m able to quickly remove her pants and shirt. There’s almost no LMR. Then she randomly starts talking about how her blowjobs are. It turns me on. I decide I want a blowjob, and not a fuck. So I go down on her, with the hopes that she’ll even the score after.
It’s going alright at first, but then I notice she’s become awfully quiet. I know I’m not the best at giving cunninlingus, but I didn’t think I was that bad. But whatever, maybe she’s just trying to orgasm. So I give it another minute for two… and she’s still silent. Maybe something’s wrong. I lift my head up and check on her.
And by golly…. SHE’S PASSED OUT!!!!
YES -- THE BITCH PASSED OUT ON ME WHILE I WAS GOING DOWN ON HER.
God I’m such a loser.
I become depressed. But then I snap out of it and realize I have a tough decision to make -- Do I quietly slip out the door now that she’s asleep? There won’t be a better time than now. Or do I stick around and get my blowjob? After contemplating it for a few seconds, I swallow my pride and wake her up.
Me: “Did you pass out on me?”
[sits up, looks around]
HB8: “Omg, did I? Gosh, I’m so embarrassed. Here, lie down.”
She throws me on my back and gets to work… chest, stomach, inner thighs, cock. She gives me the blowjob of a lifetime -- she wasn’t exaggerating. And she didn’t fuck around either; just got straight to work. I like that. I am confident that I made the right decision.
I then put my clothes on and leave. And another memorable night comes to an end.
"Cum on the couch"
Crazy night last Saturday. My wings and I roll into Happy Endings in Hollywood, a great pickup spot that various different bootcamps frequent. We get there a little late, around midnight. I open a few sets by the dance floor that don’t stick, then head upstairs and take a seat at the bar. Immediately a HB7 sits down next to me. Here’s how the conversation goes:
Me: “The last girl who sat here fell in love with me”
HB7: “Oh really?”
Me: “Yeah. Now she calls me 28 times a day, and I’m gonna have to get a restraining order…”
We start talking, I find out she’s from England, and so I transition into Premier League Soccer talk. The girl’s super impressed with my knowledge of English soccer. She’s a Manchester United fan, and so of course she’s in love with Cristiano Ronaldo, and heartbroken he left to go to Real Madrid. I ask her if she likes Wayne Rooney (another Man U player), and she’s even more impressed with knowledge of European soccer. She explains that although Rooney is a good player, no one really likes him because he has a bad temper and is always losing his cool in games and getting red cards.
We talk some more, and I ask where she lives. (note: for anyone not from Los Angeles, logistics in this city are often a nightmare. Everyone has to drive to the bars, and usually girls pack several people into their car, so after-parties and bounce locations are typically impossible if you want to have a ride home). This girl thankfully walked to the bar and lives with 2 other roommates in a 3 bedroom, so it’s perfect.
I consider trying to bounce her right now, but then her blond American friend (HB7.5) comes over and tries to cock-block. I immediately intercede:
Me: “Are you the drag-away girl?”
HB7.5: “Yes, I’m sorry, we have to leave --“
Me: “Well hold on, settle a debate we’re having. Who’s hotter: Cristiano Ronaldo or Wayne Rooney?”
HB7.5: “Oh my god, I love Cristiano Ronaldo! I met him at the Roosevelt last year...”
This gets the conversation going and pretty soon I have my arms around both girls, and it’s on. We talk about how they know each other (former sorority sisters at USC, surprise surprise), and what they’re all at Happy Ending for (one of the sisters’ 24th birthday). Then we talk more about some more crap that I can’t remember.
At this point I really can’t decide who I’m going for. So when the British girl gets distracted, I ask the American girl:
Me [to HB7.5]: “Who should I go for? You or the British girl?”
HB7.5: “Well, if you want a girl you can have a relationship with, then go for me. But if you just want a slutty girl to hook up, then go for her.”
[pause, as I consider my options]
Me: “I think I want a slutty girl to hook up with”
HB7.5: “Okay.”
Me: “Well, it was good meeting you.”
HB7.5: “Good meeting you too.”
So I grab the HB7.5 and we leave the bar together. Her apartment is literally 2 blocks away. The logistics couldn’t be any more perfect. As we get inside she starts bashing her two roommates. Apparently they’re kicking her out at the end of December for being too loud or what not, and now she’s pissed and wants revenge.
We settle down into the living room and she continues to loudly bash her roommates. It’s getting very uncomfortable, because their doors are closed and they’re obviously sleeping. But British chick won’t shut up. So I suggest we go into her bedroom. She refuses, saying she wants to hang out in the living room. Fine. So I turn on the TV and start flipping around. She grabs the remote and turns it to the British version of Big Brother. God knows how she gets this on her cable package. Anyways, she starts telling me about this one contestant named Jade, who found out on the show that she had terminal cancer, then died two months later and captured all of England’s heart in the process. The funeral was televised and all of England mourned for days. As if I could care. So I kiss her as a way to make her shut up. It works. We start making out. This quickly turns into us ripping each other’s clothes off, which turns into us fucking… LOUDLY. She becomes a beast. She’s so loud that I’m getting very self-conscious because the roommates are in the next room over.
Me: “Sssshhhh! Your roommates are home!”
HB7.5: “WHO THE FUCK CARES, JUST FUCK ME HARDER!!!!!”
Ok, I guess that’s not gonna quiet her down. Now I’m getting really self-conscious that the roommates are gonna walk out on us. So I speed it up and try to finish faster. This works, and as I’m about to cum, she makes a strange request:
HB7.5: “Cum on the couch”
Me: “Huh?”
HB7.5: “Cum on the couch”
Me: “Okay.”
So I rip the condom off and jizz all over the couch. I hadn’t jerked off in awhile, and so it was a pretty big load. And she does nothing to clean up the cum stains. Just lets it sit there.
As we were putting our clothes back on, I realized that I was basically used as a prop for her to get revenge on her roommates.
And you know what…
I FUCKING LOVED IT!!!!!!!
Another memorable night.
Me: “The last girl who sat here fell in love with me”
HB7: “Oh really?”
Me: “Yeah. Now she calls me 28 times a day, and I’m gonna have to get a restraining order…”
We start talking, I find out she’s from England, and so I transition into Premier League Soccer talk. The girl’s super impressed with my knowledge of English soccer. She’s a Manchester United fan, and so of course she’s in love with Cristiano Ronaldo, and heartbroken he left to go to Real Madrid. I ask her if she likes Wayne Rooney (another Man U player), and she’s even more impressed with knowledge of European soccer. She explains that although Rooney is a good player, no one really likes him because he has a bad temper and is always losing his cool in games and getting red cards.
We talk some more, and I ask where she lives. (note: for anyone not from Los Angeles, logistics in this city are often a nightmare. Everyone has to drive to the bars, and usually girls pack several people into their car, so after-parties and bounce locations are typically impossible if you want to have a ride home). This girl thankfully walked to the bar and lives with 2 other roommates in a 3 bedroom, so it’s perfect.
I consider trying to bounce her right now, but then her blond American friend (HB7.5) comes over and tries to cock-block. I immediately intercede:
Me: “Are you the drag-away girl?”
HB7.5: “Yes, I’m sorry, we have to leave --“
Me: “Well hold on, settle a debate we’re having. Who’s hotter: Cristiano Ronaldo or Wayne Rooney?”
HB7.5: “Oh my god, I love Cristiano Ronaldo! I met him at the Roosevelt last year...”
This gets the conversation going and pretty soon I have my arms around both girls, and it’s on. We talk about how they know each other (former sorority sisters at USC, surprise surprise), and what they’re all at Happy Ending for (one of the sisters’ 24th birthday). Then we talk more about some more crap that I can’t remember.
At this point I really can’t decide who I’m going for. So when the British girl gets distracted, I ask the American girl:
Me [to HB7.5]: “Who should I go for? You or the British girl?”
HB7.5: “Well, if you want a girl you can have a relationship with, then go for me. But if you just want a slutty girl to hook up, then go for her.”
[pause, as I consider my options]
Me: “I think I want a slutty girl to hook up with”
HB7.5: “Okay.”
Me: “Well, it was good meeting you.”
HB7.5: “Good meeting you too.”
So I grab the HB7.5 and we leave the bar together. Her apartment is literally 2 blocks away. The logistics couldn’t be any more perfect. As we get inside she starts bashing her two roommates. Apparently they’re kicking her out at the end of December for being too loud or what not, and now she’s pissed and wants revenge.
We settle down into the living room and she continues to loudly bash her roommates. It’s getting very uncomfortable, because their doors are closed and they’re obviously sleeping. But British chick won’t shut up. So I suggest we go into her bedroom. She refuses, saying she wants to hang out in the living room. Fine. So I turn on the TV and start flipping around. She grabs the remote and turns it to the British version of Big Brother. God knows how she gets this on her cable package. Anyways, she starts telling me about this one contestant named Jade, who found out on the show that she had terminal cancer, then died two months later and captured all of England’s heart in the process. The funeral was televised and all of England mourned for days. As if I could care. So I kiss her as a way to make her shut up. It works. We start making out. This quickly turns into us ripping each other’s clothes off, which turns into us fucking… LOUDLY. She becomes a beast. She’s so loud that I’m getting very self-conscious because the roommates are in the next room over.
Me: “Sssshhhh! Your roommates are home!”
HB7.5: “WHO THE FUCK CARES, JUST FUCK ME HARDER!!!!!”
Ok, I guess that’s not gonna quiet her down. Now I’m getting really self-conscious that the roommates are gonna walk out on us. So I speed it up and try to finish faster. This works, and as I’m about to cum, she makes a strange request:
HB7.5: “Cum on the couch”
Me: “Huh?”
HB7.5: “Cum on the couch”
Me: “Okay.”
So I rip the condom off and jizz all over the couch. I hadn’t jerked off in awhile, and so it was a pretty big load. And she does nothing to clean up the cum stains. Just lets it sit there.
As we were putting our clothes back on, I realized that I was basically used as a prop for her to get revenge on her roommates.
And you know what…
I FUCKING LOVED IT!!!!!!!
Another memorable night.
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