"Cum on the couch"

Crazy night last Saturday. My wings and I roll into Happy Endings in Hollywood, a great pickup spot that various different bootcamps frequent. We get there a little late, around midnight. I open a few sets by the dance floor that don’t stick, then head upstairs and take a seat at the bar. Immediately a HB7 sits down next to me. Here’s how the conversation goes:

Me: “The last girl who sat here fell in love with me”
HB7: “Oh really?”
Me: “Yeah. Now she calls me 28 times a day, and I’m gonna have to get a restraining order…”

We start talking, I find out she’s from England, and so I transition into Premier League Soccer talk. The girl’s super impressed with my knowledge of English soccer. She’s a Manchester United fan, and so of course she’s in love with Cristiano Ronaldo, and heartbroken he left to go to Real Madrid. I ask her if she likes Wayne Rooney (another Man U player), and she’s even more impressed with knowledge of European soccer. She explains that although Rooney is a good player, no one really likes him because he has a bad temper and is always losing his cool in games and getting red cards.

We talk some more, and I ask where she lives. (note: for anyone not from Los Angeles, logistics in this city are often a nightmare. Everyone has to drive to the bars, and usually girls pack several people into their car, so after-parties and bounce locations are typically impossible if you want to have a ride home). This girl thankfully walked to the bar and lives with 2 other roommates in a 3 bedroom, so it’s perfect.

I consider trying to bounce her right now, but then her blond American friend (HB7.5) comes over and tries to cock-block. I immediately intercede:

Me: “Are you the drag-away girl?”
HB7.5: “Yes, I’m sorry, we have to leave --“
Me: “Well hold on, settle a debate we’re having. Who’s hotter: Cristiano Ronaldo or Wayne Rooney?”
HB7.5: “Oh my god, I love Cristiano Ronaldo! I met him at the Roosevelt last year...”

This gets the conversation going and pretty soon I have my arms around both girls, and it’s on. We talk about how they know each other (former sorority sisters at USC, surprise surprise), and what they’re all at Happy Ending for (one of the sisters’ 24th birthday). Then we talk more about some more crap that I can’t remember.

At this point I really can’t decide who I’m going for. So when the British girl gets distracted, I ask the American girl:

Me [to HB7.5]: “Who should I go for? You or the British girl?”
HB7.5: “Well, if you want a girl you can have a relationship with, then go for me. But if you just want a slutty girl to hook up, then go for her.”
[pause, as I consider my options]
Me: “I think I want a slutty girl to hook up with”
HB7.5: “Okay.”
Me: “Well, it was good meeting you.”
HB7.5: “Good meeting you too.”

So I grab the HB7.5 and we leave the bar together. Her apartment is literally 2 blocks away. The logistics couldn’t be any more perfect. As we get inside she starts bashing her two roommates. Apparently they’re kicking her out at the end of December for being too loud or what not, and now she’s pissed and wants revenge.

We settle down into the living room and she continues to loudly bash her roommates. It’s getting very uncomfortable, because their doors are closed and they’re obviously sleeping. But British chick won’t shut up. So I suggest we go into her bedroom. She refuses, saying she wants to hang out in the living room. Fine. So I turn on the TV and start flipping around. She grabs the remote and turns it to the British version of Big Brother. God knows how she gets this on her cable package. Anyways, she starts telling me about this one contestant named Jade, who found out on the show that she had terminal cancer, then died two months later and captured all of England’s heart in the process. The funeral was televised and all of England mourned for days. As if I could care. So I kiss her as a way to make her shut up. It works. We start making out. This quickly turns into us ripping each other’s clothes off, which turns into us fucking… LOUDLY. She becomes a beast. She’s so loud that I’m getting very self-conscious because the roommates are in the next room over.

Me: “Sssshhhh! Your roommates are home!”
HB7.5: “WHO THE FUCK CARES, JUST FUCK ME HARDER!!!!!”

Ok, I guess that’s not gonna quiet her down. Now I’m getting really self-conscious that the roommates are gonna walk out on us. So I speed it up and try to finish faster. This works, and as I’m about to cum, she makes a strange request:

HB7.5: “Cum on the couch”
Me: “Huh?”
HB7.5: “Cum on the couch”
Me: “Okay.”

So I rip the condom off and jizz all over the couch. I hadn’t jerked off in awhile, and so it was a pretty big load. And she does nothing to clean up the cum stains. Just lets it sit there.

As we were putting our clothes back on, I realized that I was basically used as a prop for her to get revenge on her roommates.

And you know what…

I FUCKING LOVED IT!!!!!!!

Another memorable night.