Drug Dealer and Crazy Chick

Another wild night. I don’t know how I constantly manage to get myself in these crazy situations, but somehow I do. This happened Wednesday night. Here’s how it went down:

Around 7 pm, my friend ‘John’ invites me to go to happy hour with him in Hermosa. John grew up there and basically knows every single person in the town. Sensing a potentially adventurous night, I put my clothes on and head down to the South Bay.

I meet up with John at Union Cattle. We position ourselves at the bar. John orders a drink and I open the first attractive girl (HB8) that slides up next to me.

Me: “Wanna hear a joke?”
HB8: “Uhh… okay.”
Me: “How do you know you’re getting old?”
HB8: “How?”
Me: “All your friends start having legitimate children. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”

She actually finds it funny, and we get to talking. Turns out she’s there on a date with a guy she met off the internet, but he’s a total loser, and she wants the date to end. So she asks if I’ll pretend to be her ‘friend’ or something. I say sure, and then she goes over to her date and makes up some excuse about needing a ride home with me. The guy leaves. We resume talking, and the conversation eventually shifts back to internet dating. She tells me about the last person she hooked up with off the internet. It was some guy from one of those VH1 reality shows. Apparently, she initially sent him a message about the show, and he responded ‘wanna fuck?’ That’s it. Two words: “wanna fuck”.

And guess what? She fucked him!!!!!! Hahaha, what a winner she is. I know that I have to look no further than HB8 in my quest to get laid tonight.

John suggests we head over to Underground, another bar in the area. HB8 says she doesn’t want to go there -- she’s not even sure if she’s even allowed inside. Why not? Apparently the last time she was there her boyfriend got in a fight with 4 guys and ended up in the hospital with two facial fractures. Wonderful. A real winner indeed.

So we decide to stay and grab a table. HB8 orders a round of shots. We quickly down them, and then she orders another round, and then a third round. This could turn into an interesting evening.

A short while later, HB8 announces she wants to get high. She asks if we have any. We don’t. So she calls up her dealer. The dealer tells her to come over to his house in Hawthorne. We all decide it sounds like a plan.

HB8 drives, even though she’s kinda tipsy. And like any drunk girl, she gets hopelessly lost on the way there. And by ‘hopelessly lost’ I mean ‘she has no idea where she is lost’. Even John doesn’t know where we are, and he grew up there. And drug dealer guy isn’t picking up his phone. This isn’t looking good. We pull over to the side of the road to discuss our options:

Me: “What should we do?”
HB8: “I have an idea: let’s call 911 and see if they can tell us how to go.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
HB8: “Let’s call the police. They’ll give us directions.”
[pause, as John and I look at each other in disbelief]
Me: “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? YOU ARE DRUNK DRIVING US TO A DRUG DEALER’S HOUSE SO WE CAN BUY SOME WEED, AND YOU WANT TO CALL THE POLICE TO ASK DIRECTIONS???? HOW DUMB ARE YOU???”
[silence, as HB8 realizes her stupidity]
Me: “You don’t have to be mean about it.”

I apologize for losing my cool and she forgives me. And then the drug dealer guy calls her back and gives us directions. We’re back in business.

A few minutes later we’re in his driveway. We get out and knock on the door. No answer. So we just open the door and walk in. Inside, there’s a mass of semi-conscious bodies lying around, as well as some mammals and reptiles (they have a pet snake, in addition to multiple cats and dogs). No one acknowledges our presence -- I guess that’s normal in a drug house with dozens people coming and going each day.

Everyone’s watching porn on the big screen television. It’s a clip from pornhub, or one of those sites (they have the computer hooked up). The clip is called ‘The Man with the Biggest Cumshot in the World’. A guy is jerking off into the camera. His load is ridiculously huge. Everyone in the room is debating whether the video is real or not. I can’t tell myself (if anyone else has seen the clip, let me know your thoughts).

The dealer guy eventually comes out and ushers us into a bedroom. We get straight to business. He talks mostly to me and John -- probably because he thinks we’re paying (which we aren’t). And it’s like he’s speaking in another language… sativa, indica, bud? What the fuck is that? Apparently they’re all different strands of weed. I have no clue. I try to just nod along and act like I know what he’s talking about, but HB8 sees how clueless I am. My stock goes a little. I’m not quite drug-savvy enough for her.

HB8 finally buys the stuff and we get out of there. She drives us back to her house, which is walking distance from Union Cattle and my car.

We go inside and take a few hits of the stuff (yeah yeah, I’m a horrible person, whatever). It’s pretty strong shit. So strong that John passes out on the couch. HB8 and I take that as a cue to head into the bedroom.

We get inside and start making out. I’m able to quickly remove her pants and shirt. There’s almost no LMR. Then she randomly starts talking about how her blowjobs are. It turns me on. I decide I want a blowjob, and not a fuck. So I go down on her, with the hopes that she’ll even the score after.

It’s going alright at first, but then I notice she’s become awfully quiet. I know I’m not the best at giving cunninlingus, but I didn’t think I was that bad. But whatever, maybe she’s just trying to orgasm. So I give it another minute for two… and she’s still silent. Maybe something’s wrong. I lift my head up and check on her.

And by golly…. SHE’S PASSED OUT!!!!

YES -- THE BITCH PASSED OUT ON ME WHILE I WAS GOING DOWN ON HER.

God I’m such a loser.

I become depressed. But then I snap out of it and realize I have a tough decision to make -- Do I quietly slip out the door now that she’s asleep? There won’t be a better time than now. Or do I stick around and get my blowjob? After contemplating it for a few seconds, I swallow my pride and wake her up.

Me: “Did you pass out on me?”
[sits up, looks around]
HB8: “Omg, did I? Gosh, I’m so embarrassed. Here, lie down.”

She throws me on my back and gets to work… chest, stomach, inner thighs, cock. She gives me the blowjob of a lifetime -- she wasn’t exaggerating. And she didn’t fuck around either; just got straight to work. I like that. I am confident that I made the right decision.

I then put my clothes on and leave. And another memorable night comes to an end.